The Fantasy Top 5 Opponents for CM Punk’s UFC Debut

December 6, 2015

So UFC President Dana White is looking for a fight for CM Punk, huh?

Considering that the hardest CM Punk has ever been hit in the face has been by John Cena, and we know how strong his stand-up is, this undoubtedly will be a difficult choice.

Now we don’t mean to underestimate Mr. Punk. He’s a top-level athlete. He’s determined. He’s tough. He may surprise us all and end up tapping out Chris Weidman one day for the UFC middleweight championship. Stranger things have happened.

ALSO READ: Chris Weidman had an unfortunate incident with his crotch and a youngster

But we can all agree that’s not likely. What’s more likely is that he is going to get KO’d inside of 30 seconds. That’s not to say anything about Mr. Punk’s toughness. It’s just that he’d have a better chance of leading the Jacksonville Jaguars to a Super Bowl victory as a quarterback than to just walk into the UFC and win a fight against anyone other than Porky Pig.

We’re not encouraging White to stack the deck in Mr. Punk’s favor, Mickey Goldmill-style, but he must be strategic here. If he can stretch a few Pay-Per-Views out of Punk, we could be talking Ronda Rousey-level money.

So here are five guys that might make for a good first fight for Mr. Punk.

Here we go! It’s Clobbering Time!

5. Mystery WWE Fan

CM Punk famously threw a cheap shot at this guy — a fan from the audience — during an episode of Monday Night Raw.

Find this guy. Give him a camp with Greg Jackson and watch him do wonders.

4. Dan Henderson

Dan Henderson UFC 157 Pre 750

Let’s face it. Hendo NEEDS a win. Who better than CM Punk to put Hendo over. Punk, being a true professional, would sell that shot like he just got smacked by Holly Holm. Imagine the call by Joe Rogan: OH MY GOD. Dan Henderson may have just knocked CM Punk all the way back to the WWE. Or not, maybe Hendo will “do the honors” and put Mr. Punk over, passing the torch to the next generation.

3. Nick Diaz

Nick Diaz 2 UFC 53 750x370

Imagine how entertaining this fight would be. Diaz would taunt him. Would probably yell “Don’t be scared, homie,” 103 times before the end of Round 1. Diaz hasn’t finished a fight since 2011. He’ll probably spend the entire fight with his hands in the air near his face telling Punk to “Come On.” This would be a great opening for Mr. Punk to show his stand-up. We know after all that Diaz will probably put his hands down and let Mr. Punk hit him on the chin. We know Diaz is suspended, but it will probably get reversed. And think of the marketing. Punk a well-known member of the Straight Edge Society, could run his mouth about Diaz’s pot smoking leading up to the fight. The Pothead vs. the Straight Edge. I can’t wait for the poster.

2. George Jefferson

Let’s hope Punk’s training sessions look at least a little better than that.

Now I know that the great Sherman Hemsley has passed away, but man this would have been a great fight. George would have been ready, as evidenced by this training. Clearly Mr. Punk would need to take this fight to the ground to have any chance. And we’d have a natural narrative of Florence the Maid backing the WWE star.

1. Triple H

33 Hunt 05012008jg 0006bPhoto props to

I doubt Hunter can cut weight in time, but man, would this be a match. The UFC needs to realize that the money is not in seeing CM Punk wrestle some jabroni with an 0-0 or 1-0 record. Who cares? The other guy will win. Duh. The money is watching two professional wrestlers with a long history of hating each other fight for real. Every wrestling fan in America, and even some of the lapsed fans too, would jump on that and break PPV records of all sorts. And believe me, CM Punk would kick the living sledgehammer out of Triple H in a real fight, because, well, CM Punk is a badass and Triple H knows it. That’s a fight that EVERY wrestling fan in the world would pay $100 to see. Forget Mayweather. Punk fighting his haters inside the Octagon is where the real money would be. Dana White better jump on that. YOU KNOW if he doesn’t Scott Coker is eyeing that fight as a “tentpole” attraction in 2017.

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