So everyone from that bastion of good judgment Jon Jones to Miesha “twice-tapped” Tate is all up on Holly Holm’s jock after her beat-down of the woman who was considered the greatest fighter on the planet, oh, just a week ago.
For now, Ronda Rousey can enjoy her spot on the bench next to Colin Kaepernick, Tim Tebow and Machine Gun Kelly, while the world hoists Holm high up on her pedestal. For at least the next six months, anyway.
Holm may have solved the Rubik’s Cube in record time, but as any Seattle Seahawks fan knows, what goes around comes around, and Holm and her team might be one UFC PPV event away from their Pete Carroll “WTF did I just do?” moment.
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She wouldn’t be the first to fold under the pressure. History is full of one-hit wonders, (yes, bandwagonners, I know she enjoyed a robust boxing and kickboxing career first) so Holm may not want to line up too many movie roles and magazine cover appearances just yet.
If she is smart, and clearly she knows how to pick good coaches, she will avoid some of the pitfalls of stardom. There’s no doubt, once Rousey clears the cobwebs and gets over her nightmares of Holm’s ankle headed straight for her neck, she’s going to come back with a vengeance. And Tate, Cat Zingano and Cris Cyborg are also headed Holm’s way. So the “Preacher’s Daughter” better pay attention to those who walked in her shoes first.
James “Buster” Douglas
When Mike Tyson was killing jobbers on Wide World of Sports in the 1980s, everyone was asking “what would happen if Tyson fought Muhammad Ali in his prime?”
Well in 1990, it happened, sort of. Douglas, a slow, pudgy journeyman channeled Ali for one night in Japan, when Douglas outboxed and outsmarted the unbeatable Tyson. If you thought Rousey’s KO was historic, it did not compare to Tyson vs. Douglas. Douglas was a 42-1 underdog (no, that’s not a typo).
Douglas pulled off the fight heist of the millennium (the past one). So the Buster era began, right? No. He should have retired right there and then.
In his NEXT FIGHT later that year, Douglas fought Evander Holyfield. Douglas came into the fight fat, overweight, and fighting nothing like he did against Tyson. The result:
“Buster” is right.
The Fight Doctor Ferdie Pacheco famously called it: “He’s not going to get up! There goes the heavyweight championship of the world!” Holyfield knocked Douglas out with a right hand and we never heard from Douglas in a serious way again. Holyfield would go on to get his ear bitten off by Tyson, claim God healed his irregular heartbeat, and father approximately 631 children.
Karate Kid Bully Johnny Lawrence
Like Rousey, Daniel LaRusso had no idea what he was stepping into that early evening on the beach. He was from New Jersey, after all. How was he to know that karate boys dripping with privilege were going to be such bullies, all over a sheepish girl who wears Christmas sweaters and jeans at the beach, and hair-sprayed her hair bigger than Chaka Khan’s? Poor LaRusso didn’t even know how to fix his kitchen faucet without the help of a wise Japanese man, much less know his role as the new guy in town. So like Rousey, he probably deserved to get his ass kicked by the cool kids that evening. Teach him a lesson about not understanding California culture.
Sweep the leg, kids.
But like any good assimilator, LaRusso wasn’t going to just sit back and watch. He sucked it up, found some chopsticks, paint brushes, and a few ridiculous self-defense moves and ended up turning the table on the beach boy.
Johnny may have had cooler hair, a better house, a family with lots more dispensable income, access to just about any cheerleader he wanted, a legitimate black belt, and a successful future pre-ordained for him, but he still couldn’t stop the New Jersey boy and his Japanese mentor. Lawrence won the battle, but LaRusso won the war.
After Holyfied destroyed Douglas, the heavyweight championship bounced around from fighter to fighter like a pipe at a Snoop Dogg concert. Douglas-Lewis-Mercer-Bowe-Tyson-Moorer-Foreman-Mercer-Bruno were just some of the names who held the title after Tyson fell. And just when everyone thought Lewis was “The Next Big Thing,” he stepped into the ring with Oliver McCall, a guy no one thought could win. It would have been like The New England Patriots taking on the Cleveland Browns. Unless you wanted to see Tom Brady throw eight touchdown passes, you didn’t need to watch.
Guess how this story ends. McCall dropped him with a straight right hand to win the WBC heavyweight championship. So that launched the McCall era, rightt? Nope.
When McCall got back in the ring with Lewis, Lewis not only whipped him, he made him cry. McCall gave up and stopped fighting and the referee called it, leaving everyone to wonder if Don King fixed the fight or if McCall suddenly realized he was fighting Lennox “F’N” Lewis.
No, thank you, I would not like another.
Whatever the excuse, McCall was living on borrowed time and the better fighter eventually won.
If you ever want a lesson in how to shame someone into a fight, go watch Clubber Lang’s classic smack talk to lure Rocky Balboa out of retirement. Forget The Rock, Chael Sonnen or Conor McGregor. Lang beat Balboa before the two even stepped inside the ring. Kind of like Holm putting her fist on Rousey’s face during the weigh-in staredown. You just knew this fight would be different. Lang destroyed Balboa, while his trainer was dying on a stretcher backstage. You couldn’t script that stuff any better. Wait … So this stunning upset gave birth to a multi-million-dollar movie franchise called “Clubber,” where Lang KO’d Russians on steroids, right? No.
Rocky, of course, started training on the beach, working out with his famed nemesis Apollo Creed, and listening to really good 1980s synth pop.
Bro-hugs in short shorts are just the best.
Rocky came back in the rematch and not only knocked Clubber out, but tied his hands, locked him in box, and dumped him into The Great Big Garbage Patch in the middle of the ocean, never to be heard from again.
Rocky found The Eye of the Tiger.
Two of the great fighters in history, Sugar Ray Leonard and Duran, collided in 1980 in what was called “The Brawl in Montreal.” Leonard was the golden boy, fresh off his 1976 Olympic triumph. Leonard was “The Next Big Thing” and Duran was going down. It didn’t work out that way, though.
Duran outboxed Leonard and beat him by unanimous decision, after a 15-round brawl. This was supposed to be Leonard’s big day, his crowning achievement, but nerves got the best of him and he realized that Duran was actually a really good fighter. But did Leonard end up hitting a pregnant woman in his car, running from the scene, and then going back to pull a handful of cash from the car, and then go into hiding for three days? No, who would do that? Leonard hit the gym, trained harder, listened to Paradise by the Dashboard Light (Eye of the Tiger had not been released yet) and returned to not only defeat Duran, but make him quit in the middle of the fight.
Submission by Sugar.
Duran blew up in between fights, partying like Charlie Sheen, eating hot dogs like Matt Stonie and drinking beers like Andre The Giant. No wonder he claimed he uttered the infamous “no mas” as a result of the stomach cramps he was experiencing. Duran had to go – bad.
Leonard apparently had the key to the restroom in his gym. He bounced back and won the title he felt belonged to him.
Holly should be careful. Go to the bathroom now. Ronda could be trying to catch flies with chopsticks as we speak.
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