- MIKE DOLCE’S ULTIMATE FIGHTER 7 BLOG: WEEK 6

May 8, 2008
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by Mike Dolce for MMAWeekly.com


content="I've been waiting two whole months for last night's episode of "The Ultimate Fighter 7" to air">




I’ve been waiting two whole months for last night’s episode of “The<br /> Ultimate Fighter 7″ to air

I’ve been
waiting two whole months for last night’s episode of “The Ultimate Fighter 7″
to air.

 

The
anticipation has almost been too much to for me. I was like a little kid
waiting for Christmas, only this was way better.

 

You see,
Santa Spike had brought all the good little girls and boys a glorious gift
tonight.

 

That gift
was cold, sweet justice, served straight to the face of Jeremy May, compliments
of Matt Brown’s left foot, leaving a broken, bloody nose and a suffocating
mouthful of good old humble pie for Jeremy to chew on.

 

Now, nobody
died, Jeremy is okay, back to practicing Jeremy-Jitsu I’m sure, so just relax a
second and hear me out.

 

My reasons
are admittedly selfish.

 

I wanted to
see Jeremy May get kicked into a coma by Matt Brown’s foot for a second time!
And with my DVR, I can relive that glorious moment anytime I need to crack a
smile and pontificate on life’s universal truths!

 

You
certainly do reap what you sow.

 

Before you
cast me as some sort of evil and crazy man, I must let you know that I have my
reasons.

 

“If it be
possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” – Romans
12:18

 

In my daily
life I try to follow the teachings of the Bible. Much of the Bible I do not
know as well as many others.

 

Some
lessons though, have shaped the kind of man I have grown to become and Romans
12:18 is one such lesson.

 

After weeks
of rationalizing Jeremy’s behavior to the cast and production staff as a simple
social ineptitude, a cry for attention that should be sympathized with, I
extended my hand to Jeremy many times as a friend and confidant only to feel it
smacked away with a daily barrage of cruel misdeeds. Some of which I can not
yet tell, as we are barely half-way through the season.

 

Let me back
this story up a few months.

 

My first
impression of Jeremy May was not very pleasant. Standing in the living room of
the fighters’ house talking to my new roommates, I turned to my left and saw a
tall, dark man standing in the open kitchen about 15 feet from me, wearing a
burgundy and black bathrobe, styled and chosen as a direct result of one Mr.
Hugh Heffner!

 

Identical
in design to Heff’s in every way, except Jeremy’s “robe” was made of Wal-Mart
cotton and Mr. Heffner’s “identity” is woven from the quiet dreams of pubescent
American males and the sweet scented sweat of blossoming buxom beauties that
all live just next door.

 

But, I
digress.

 

The BAMF’s
(as he likes to call himself) robe was open to the naval and tied in a way as
to show off his bare torso? His hair was freshly styled with a gel-like
substance and he appeared to have oiled his body with some kind of lube? He was
pacing the kitchen with no true reason other than to be seen? It was quite
creepy!

 

I slammed
my eyelids shut as if I had just been maced and turned back to the living room
wondering what I had gotten myself into. Where is my contract? I want to see
the fine print!

 

“Is that
guy really wearing a Playboy jacket and posing for a house full of dudes on the
very first night? This must be a gimmick by the producers,” I thought to
myself.

 

“Either he’s
a homosexual or a bleeping bleep,” the fighter seated next to me said. (Well,
he actually used slightly more offensive words than I care to relate, but you
get the picture.)

 

Unfortunately
for the cast, Jeremy did not turn out to be a homosexual.

 

Though, he
did prove to be a big smelly turd…and no matter what wrapper you cover a turd
in, it is still quite offensive to anybody in its vicinity, as Jeremy tried
very hard to be.

 

That is my
first impression of The BAMF, and as many chances as I gave him to alter my
opinion in those first four weeks, Jeremy failed miserably each time.

 

By the way,
The BAMF is an acronym for The Bad Ass Mother F***er. That is Jeremy’s “official”
nickname. Yes, it really is. He made it up himself.

 

As far as
training goes, Team Rampage really only had seven members, aside from the
coaches that could be counted on as training partners, because Jeremy never
actually trained.

 

Well,
scratch that, he did train three whole times that I am aware of. Mind you, Team
Rampage trained twice per day, seven days per week for six weeks.

 

Am I coming
off a bit too harsh here? There were some positives.

 

As it
turned out, Jeremy wasn’t totally self-absorbed, he stepped up and did his part
to help out around the gym while the rest of us were busy training.

 

You see,
Quinton “Rampage” Jackson is a human being, and as such, probably has normal,
healthy bowel movements each day, just like most other human beings, but being
the champion of the world in addition to taking on this coaching job, Rampage
was a very busy man.

 

Jeremy,
possibly concerned for the health and well being of our coach’s sphincter, saw
fit to follow him around the gym each day with his head shoved so far up his
behind, I actually thought Quinton was a centaur for two full weeks!

 

Until of
course, Quinton stepped into the Octagon, then Jeremy ran off to the bicycle.

 

With that
much ass kissing, I’m genuinely surprised that Rampage’s backside didn’t get
extremely chafed. Or, maybe that is why Tinactin was brought in as a sponsor?
Hmmm?

 

Jeremy May
proved to be lacking as a person, lacking as a roommate, lacking as a teammate,
but most importantly lacking as an athlete.

 

He did
himself a huge disservice by acting in a way that would ensure an inordinate
amount of air time, yet ostracize himself from a terrific group of young
athletes and ruin his reputation on an international scale.

 

Had Jeremy
focused on his craft and trained seriously for his fight with Matt Brown, maybe
the result would have been different?

 

Nah!

 

 

Mike
Dolce is a cast member of “The Ultimate Fighter 7.” He is a professional
fighter, strength coach, and sports nutritionist. For more information, to read
past blogs, or to learn about “The DOLCE Diet,” go to
style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Lucida Grande"'> href="http://www.MikeDolceMMA.com">www.MikeDolceMMA.com.

 

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